sometimes i catch myself thinking, “i wish i never experienced intimacy.” not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy. i’m sure you’ve been in that situation where someone breaks things off with you, or you break things off with them. either way, it’s never fun. in the moment, it feels like your whole world is falling apart. and honestly, it’s valid to feel that way. so today, i’m sharing my step-by-step guide to “getting over someone” or, you know, “healing.”
step one: crashing out
okay, yeah, this one might be a little controversial. i’m a firm believer in crashing out before healing. i like to let it all out personally. maybe don’t take this step too seriously and just skip it. for me, my “crash outs” aren’t even that intense. honestly, it’s pretty rare i go off on the person i got attached to. usually, i crash out on my own time, just letting myself feel everything, throwing out things that remind me of them, deleting direct messages, texts, and their phone number. i’ve called and texted once way too much, but hey, it’s just one of those things i did just to do. (oops? #itsneverthatdeep)
step two: going on dates with myself
cheesy, i know. but sometimes it’s hard to find the motivation to go out alone. one way i make it easier is by treating myself to my favorite foods and restaurants—basically bribing myself with good vibes. i love hitting up my favorite spots around malibu and santa monica. places like charmlee wilderness park, malibu creek state park, or even just any random beach off the PCH make it feel more exciting. one time, i grabbed a hot meal plate from erewhon, took a book, and just sunbathed by myself. i was the only one at the beach. it was honestly so peaceful and exactly what i needed. i know a lot of people cope by staying inside, but i’m kind of the opposite. being outdoors, even solo, helps me reset and feel more like myself.
step three: reading and reflecting
i’m a big believer in reflecting on things to learn something new about yourself. it’s not always easy—sometimes it feels better to suppress what happened or distract yourself with work, the gym, or other things (trust me, i’ve been there). but taking the time to think, reflect, and then accept is so important.
you can’t change what happened, and that’s okay. instead, focus on what you can take away from the experience. one thing that’s helped me is reading books that offer insight or a new perspective. when someone ended things with me, living untethered by michael a. singer was a game-changer. it helped me process everything in a way i didn’t expect.
and here’s the thing: self-help books only work if you actually put them into practice. reading them is one thing, but applying what you learn? that’s where the growth happens. these things might seem obvious, but they’re not until you’re in it. reflecting doesn’t mean dwelling—it means growing.
step four: realizing everything happens for a reason
sometimes i look back on past “talking stages” or people i’ve dated, and all i can think is, “thank god it didn’t work out. thank god.” it’s a reminder that everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.
if someone wants to stay in your life, they will. if they leave, let them. seriously—just let them go. those are the people who don’t value you the way you deserve, and that’s okay. not everyone is meant for you, and you’re not meant for everyone. it’s not rejection; it’s redirection.
accepting that truth makes it easier to trust the process. better things (and people) are always ahead when you leave space for them.
step five: picking up a new hobby
okay, so i know earlier i said not to use things as a distraction, but hear me out—picking up a hobby you genuinely enjoy is different. it’s not about avoiding your feelings; it’s about adding something positive to your life.
for me, it’s been lifting and pickleball. being active is a total serotonin booster, and it helps clear my mind. i’ve been lifting heavier weights lately, and it’s so motivating to see myself getting physically stronger. pickleball, on the other hand, is just fun. it’s great cardio and a low-pressure way to meet new people or hang out with friends.
finding a hobby you love doesn’t just pass the time—it fills it with something meaningful and uplifting. whether it’s something active, creative, or totally chill, you deserve to find what lights you up.
step six: spend time with loved ones
my friends have been there through thick and thin. they’ve seen me at my worst, my best—they’ve seen it all. and no matter what, they’re always there for me. i feel so blessed to have a great support system and such beautiful friends in my life.
there’s something so healing about being surrounded by feminine and nurturing energy. it’s like a reminder that you’re not alone, no matter what you’re going through. whether it’s venting over coffee, laughing until you cry, or just sitting in silence together, having that kind of love and support makes all the difference.
lean on your people. let them remind you of your worth and hold space for you when you need it. it’s okay to let others help carry the weight sometimes.
healing isn’t linear, and it’s definitely not one-size-fits-all. it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also transformative. whether you’re taking yourself on solo dates, reflecting on the past, picking up a new hobby, or leaning on your friends, every step is a step forward.
give yourself grace along the way. trust that everything happens for a reason, and know that the energy you put into yourself will come back to you in ways you can’t even imagine yet. take it one day at a time—you’ve got this. 🙂
—sincerely, courtney
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